Doesn’t Get Easier

In the three days since my son left, I’ve had some amazing conversations and some wonderful support.  If anyone is judging me harshly, I appreciate that they are keeping it to themselves… y’all are AMAZING!!!!

I know I’m a good mom.  I know I’m right in how I raised my kids.  I know that there is nothing I can do to change his mind about his current predicament.

But knowing facts and how you feel about them are two completely different things.

That’s the struggle today.

But I got up before the sun and ran 3 miles with a friend.

I came home after the run and did my daily yoga practice.

I ate a healthy breakfast… although I didn’t follow the plan for the rest of the day… that’s on me.

I took care of the things I needed to take care of on my day off work.  I was a responsible adult!

I also was battling my head and heart feeling sorry for myself and watching movies…. but I suppose that’s not uncommon when dealing with difficult situations.

I’m a tough cookie.  I know this.  I’ve been through a lot in my life.  I can handle a LOT of shit…. and this is a lot of shit.

Sorry, but sometimes I swear a little.  Or a lot.  Lately, it’s been a lot.

My focus has to be on the positive things in my life or I’ll go completely mad.

I’ll keep running and working out daily.  I’ll keep eating as well as I can and keep myself healthy.  I’ll keep coaching my team and making new connections and I’ll be a good friend to anyone I can.  I’ll write as often as I can, because it’s completely therapeutic to me.

I’ve been to therapy… trust me, this is cheaper and nearly as good.  At least for me.  There are some amazing therapists out there… don’t ever be ashamed to see one!!!  Your mental health is important to me!

I’ll continue on the path I believe I’m supposed to be on and I’ll be ready and available to talk to my son when he’s ready.  Until then, I’ll try to hang on to my sanity.  Or I’ll have a drink…. or two.

Life is crazy.  Sometimes crazy good, sometimes not so much.  But I know that I can only control what I can control… and God has everything else.  I’m trusting in that truth.

Thanks.  For every kind word.  For every prayer.  Thank you.

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