Gentle…

I’m trying hard to remember that I’m doing the best I can with the situation I’ve been dealt.  My health is important.  My fitness is important.  I have a whole lot of life yet to live!

I will make the best of our family situation.  It’s not easy, but we will carry on.  Parenting is truly the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  Especially parenting a kid who doesn’t want a mom at this moment.  He will need me eventually… at least I think so.

My mom keeps telling me not to blame myself for my kid’s behavior.  I try, I really do, but it’s hard not to.  It’s difficult not to think I screwed up somehow.

My husband decided this was a good weekend to clean out the kid’s room.  It was pretty smelly, like most teen boy rooms, and he was curious to see what he would find in there.  Suffice to say, it was disgusting… and we found things I wasn’t truly prepared to find, at least emotionally.

It made me think that maybe this break from us is a good thing for him.  He obviously doesn’t respect our rules or our authority as his parents.  He needs to figure out that living here was pretty darn easy compared to the real world out there.  People who aren’t related to him certainly won’t put up with his crap, at least I know I wouldn’t.

In the meantime, I’ll still worry about him.  I’m his mom.  But I will focus on those things I can control in my life.  What goes in my mouth.  My daily workouts.  The running of my household.  Caring for my friends and other family members.

I will be the best person I can be in spite of the hand I’ve been dealt.  I will enjoy those moments of sunshine and I won’t dwell on the fact that my kid is out there somewhere doing who knows what….

I’ll be gentle with myself.  I’m doing the best I can.

It’s yoga time.  I’ve never needed a program this badly in my life.  This one is keeping me focused and helping me stay centered in the midst of a whole roller coaster of emotions.  I may even decide to keep going with it for a while… I’ll decide that next week.

In the meantime…. namaste.

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