Showing Up

I’ve been sharing so much of my personal story because I feel the need to show up.

Show up for myself.  Not for anyone else, but because I have this tendency when I look back on my life, to shrink back into my own little world and not let anyone in.  Those are the times when I lose myself in depression and wind up either worrying myself to death or just withdrawing from life, which is no fun at all.

I’ve done this off and on for 44 years… and I’m over it.

I can’t say for certain that there’s always going to be an openness in my mindset, nor can I guarantee that I’ll share every detail, because frankly most of my life is pretty darn boring.  Not complaining, just the facts of every day life.

But I feel like I have a story that could help someone else.  So I’m showing up.  Nobody should feel ashamed or judged when things out of their control happen to their families.  Life is messy… that’s just how it is.

I read a great quote in my book this morning.  I read something every day that makes me a better person.  Part of my personal growth over the last few years has been a daily discipline of personal development, and that has given me the courage to step out of my box and start this blog to begin with.  I wanted to share this today because I think it applies to so many people in a lot of different situations.  The book I’m reading is “I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t)” by Brene Brown, and she quotes Marianne Williamson who is a spiritual teacher.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you NOT to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.  As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear; our presence automatically liberates others.”

This completely inspires me to continue to share my story; to be the most fabulous person I can be because I deserve nothing but happiness… and so does EVERYONE!  We are amazing, complex, brilliant beings and deserve to have our light shine so brightly.  Let’s stop living like we need to hide in the darkness.  That serves nothing and no one!

I’ve been avoiding situations lately that might be uncomfortable, and it’s up to me to stop that.  I haven’t been to church except on days when I’m in the band, because I don’t want to have conversations about my kids.  I’m conscious of the fact that I have been avoiding my church family, but I’ve felt like I’ve had “good excuses” not to go… and I need to stop that.  I need to show up for me.  Not for them… they have done nothing wrong, and neither have I.

I have avoided other situations as well.  My running friends, my family… I’ve found excuses when I didn’t feel like showing up.  But it’s time to put myself out there.

I love connecting with people.  It’s time to just live my life and stop living with the fear that someone might judge me for my parenting skills.  They may, and that’s on them.  I have to be OK with the fact that some people just do that.  I won’t judge them for it, I’ll just decide whether they are the type of person I want to be around or not.

But I’ll show up.  For me.  For them.  Because connecting with people is what life is about.

It’s time to let my light shine.  It starts by showing up.

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