It’s My Choice

Whatever we become in life, it’s our choice.  Certainly there are things that happen to us that mold us and shape us a little bit, but how we react to them, how far we let those things carry us… that’s on us.

Right now my life is messy.  I could let this carry me down a destructive path, certainly that is possible and maybe even the path of least resistance, but I’m not allowing that.

Addiction is something I’ve always worried about with myself because of my father.  He was an alcoholic and when I was young I caught myself following his lead and drinking myself stupid pretty much daily.  Thankfully I was aware enough that I realized I didn’t want to end up like him and stopped.  I enjoy my beer, but I believe in moderation.  However, I do still see that I have quite an addictive personality.  It just shows up in ways other than drinking…. thank goodness.

So instead of being addicted to a substance like alcohol or drugs, I am addicted to daily workouts.  I’m addicted to sugar…. and cheese.

I’m denying myself the sugar and gluten and cheese lately (for the most part) because I want to figure out if some of that is triggering some health issues.  Nothing is certain yet, but avoiding gluten has given me a clearer head than I can remember having… like, ever.

So for right now, I’m addicted to a healthy lifestyle.  I’m addicted to a couple of games on my phone.  None of those are destructive, so I’m rolling with it.  I’m choosing NOT to wallow in self-pity.  I’m choosing to move forward and let the people who are around me lift me up and show me how beautiful life is!

I was going to get up early this morning and run again with my friends, but I was on my feet WAY too long yesterday and needed the rest…. so I slept in.  No regrets AT ALL!  It was my choice, a very conscious one, and I’m about to do my yoga workout after I finish this post.  I just wanted to take a minute and get these garbled thoughts out of my head.

I do miss my regular running and training.  My plan is to get myself back into shape enough that I can start up with the winter run camp group again in January.  I’ll get there, I’m almost there now.  Until then, yoga, other cardio, and a bit of running every week will continue to be my vices.

Eating is something I used to do for comfort, but my mindset is changing on that.  I still love to socialize around food, but now I look for the healthiest possible options.  Eating veggies and fruit and healthy things like avocado and hummus instead of ranch dressing makes me feel good, gives me energy and allows me to be with the people I choose to be around.  I’ll be tailgating again this weekend and I’m already trying to decide which delicious and healthy thing to bring!

Life is messy.  But I’m choosing how to handle the mess.  Instead of sweeping it under the rug, I’m going to fold it up and put it on a shelf.  If the mess decides to topple down on my head again soon… I’ll figure out a better way to fold it. I won’t let the mess win.  But I won’t throw it out the window just yet.  Messes make us stronger.  Of that I’m thoroughly convinced.


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