Fight On

I talked the other day about seeking out moments of joy each day.  I need to do this to battle my demons, to make sure I don’t get sucked into that hole I’m likely to climb into with all the junk in life right now.  I know that some days are easier than others when it comes to joy, and this week was an all out battle!

I’m not even sure why it’s been this way, but this week was tough for me.  I’m pretty darn glad it’s Friday, even though I have nothing on the calendar this weekend socially.  Maybe that’s a good idea.  I need to find a way out of this funk.

Just because I’m fighting to find my joy this week doesn’t mean it was all bad, not at all!  I’ve had moments of lighthearted humor.  I’ve had smiles and made others smile.  It’s not all the big suck.

Then I see a kid out of the corner of my eye that reminds me of my kid.  Suck.

Then I feel the anxiety monster rearing his ugly mug.  Suck.

Then I feel the self-pity start jabbing away at my insides.  Suck.

Nothing I do can seem to make anything feel better… major suck.

I started eating my feelings again yesterday, something I’ve been struggling with all month, and it’s only hurting me… I know this.  I know I need to stop!  This is a battle I’ve had my whole life, and I can think I’ve got it beat when something happens and it takes over again.

Today I need to battle my demons again.  Today I need to find my joy.  I don’t want to.  I want to lay in bed, sleep, eat chocolate and be alone.  Instead I have to get up and face my life.  Today will be a battle.

Ready or not, it’s time to fight.  Lord, give me strength!

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