I love my babies. I had them young enough to not even realize how much they would mean to me and how much they would change me. I always wanted to be a mom, so it was just kind of part of life that I thought I was prepared for…. but wow, I had no idea.
My two boys are three years apart, and when they were small they were just so much fun! Completely different personalities, both adorable little blonde hair/blue eyed kiddos that looked so cute whether they were dressed up for church or running around dirty and smelly like little boys get.
I figured I was young enough to be able to keep up with my two little dudes, and I was for the most part. As they grew and got into sports and life changed a little bit it was so fun! Busy, sure… but that was the point. They were active and healthy and happy and I was proud to be their mom.
As teens they started to spread their wings and test their limits. I thought I was prepared for this, I did the same thing at their age… but boy was I wrong.
They didn’t just test limits, they broke through them, busted every theory I had about parenting and broke my heart. I was stunned. I’m still stunned. I still can’t believe this is my life.
My older son who is working and still living home is doing pretty well. He had a great weekend, in fact, and helped his grandparents with some yard work that needed to be done. I’m pretty proud of who he’s become even though he had a couple of rocky years too.
My younger son… well, today marks six weeks that he hasn’t come home or even talked to me. Apparently he did answer when his grandma called him last week, so I do know that he’s OK. Doesn’t really make me feel better, but at least I know he’s alive. My imagination has been running rampant lately. It’s heartbreaking.
I figured we would get through a couple of tough teen years and that would be it. We would get to that place where we were close again, be able to trust each other, enjoy each other’s company. Nobody told me just how hard this would be. I don’t regret it, not for a minute, it’s just really hard being a parent sometimes.
They are growing up. Still testing limits. I just have to be patient and love them. That’s what I intend to do. It’s a hard truth… but it’s my truth.