Depression Strikes Again…

How does one know if they are depressed and not just in a sad or bad mood?  It can be complicated, but if you’ve been through it, likely you know what I mean.

I’ve struggled with depression many times in my life.  For the last 10-12 years I’ve been really good, but lately…. it’s back.  I’ve been in denial, but I realized this weekend that it’s definitely back.

I’m sure seeing a therapist would help, but right now I’m using my writing to try and work through it.  I have NO problem seeing someone, and that phone call could be made very soon, I’ll see how the next few days goes.

My husband asked me this weekend how I was feeling physically, and I told him exactly how it was.  I feel like crap.  My hormones are all over the place.  My vitamin deficiency is still there, I can tell…. I can’t wait until I go in for my next physical so I can ask for some more testing.  I have a feeling we are missing something…. not even sure what, but I know I don’t feel normal yet.  I’m depressed.

I not good at actually saying that out loud to him.  I’m usually “fine”.  But I’m at the point in my life that “fine” isn’t real anymore…. I’m telling it like it is.  I’m drowning.  I’m depressed.

I’m also sad, which is different, but important to keep in mind.  I’m missing my kid.  I’m in need of some change, but it’s difficult to even see where that might lead…. heck, I need a trip somewhere!

I was even looking up plane ticket prices last night… I need to get away, if only I had the funds to make that happen.  So, in the meantime, I get up.  I go to work.  I work on myself, my blog, my book…. I’ll get back into my workout routine.

No matter what, I won’t give up.  I know exactly how important my tattoo is now…. I was feeling pretty good when I got it, but now it’s meaning is even more deep.

Never give up.  I see that every time I look at my foot.  I think it might be time for my next one…. I want a word on my wrist, one to keep even closer.

The question is…. which word?

I also want to incorporate that semi-colon that is the symbol of depression and anxiety.  It might be two different things.  I’ll see how that goes.

In the meantime…. I won’t let depression win.  I will fight back.  I won’t be broken forever.  It may feel like it, but I know I can make the best out of a bad situation.

When life is hard, your mind starts to do battle on itself…. what do you do?  Don’t let that mask become the reality.  Let’s deal with it.

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