I know I talk about depression a lot. It totally sucks that I’ve found myself back in this cycle. I had thought I was over that part of my life, but I’m realizing that everything is cyclical. Depression and anxiety never truly leave you. You might be able to handle things better for a season, but if you have them… you just have them.
I have some really amazing friends who care so much about me, so to them I’m going to say up front that I AM OK! Yes, I’m depressed and my anxiety levels are pretty high, but I’m OK. I’m not going off the deep end or anything. I will get through this, but prayers are always welcome.
What I realized when I found this picture was that most of what I’m feeling isn’t just depression, it’s much more anxiety. I feel like I should be able to fix things, like right now, and that just doesn’t always happen. Like why can’t I get my own health under control, lose the fluffy pounds and make my kid come back all at once? Because I’m not supposed to… for whatever reason that might be. I’m NOT in control of everything, and that kind of sucks.
So I’m calling it what it is. The last time I felt like this I did go and see a therapist for a while. I never really connected with her, even though she was really nice. I kind of thought she was full of crap. I stopped going after just a few sessions because I just thought it was a waste of money, but I know a good therapist can be invaluable in my kind of situation. It’s time I seek one out. I know this. I’ll try and take care of it very soon.
The last time I went this long feeling this way was over 15 years ago. That’s a pretty long cycle! I was on some medication for a while back then, and if I need it again I’m not afraid of that at all. Believe me, feeling better and being able to handle things is important and if it takes some chemical help, I’m all for it!
If you’re having trouble this season, for whatever reason… reach out for help. I think that’s how I’ve been using this blog, which has worked for a while. It’s time to get more help. I know it might take me a while to find the right place and get an appointment, so in the meantime I will keep plugging along.
I will tell you that there are some good things happening in my life as well. There are people and things in my life that are absolutely outstanding in every way… don’t feel sorry for me! I’m hanging on to the good things for dear life, so long as I don’t strangle them things will be much better very soon… I can feel it!
I don’t have things figured out yet. I’m taking it day by day. I’ll be OK! Oh, and I have a fun party to look forward to this weekend. Parties always make me happy!