My Daily Struggle

A lot of people in my life may not even realize what I struggle with every day. I know my husband doesn’t get it, even though he got a really good dose of it the other day.

I manage my anxiety and depression pretty well most of the time. I love to help others because it makes me happy. I have people in my life who keep me busy and moving which also helps.

This week I’m on vacation with my hubby and we have lots of projects to keep us busy, but for some reason my symptoms are on high alert. It’s been a rough week and it’s only half done. But I won’t give up on it. I’m ready to have some fun.

I had a full blown panic attack the other day. I don’t need to go into what brought it on, truly it’s all such petty stuff that it’s embarrassing, but that’s what anxiety does sometimes. It takes a piece of nothing and blows it into a full blown volcano of emotion.

I’m telling you all this because as embarrassing as it is sometimes, I just feel like it’s important that people understand that ANYONE can suffer from mental illness. I’m someone who thinks she can handle things and does so pretty well most of the time. Then something happens and triggers my anxiety and BANG! I’m a basket case. I know it’s probably past time that I need to find a new psychologist or whatever, but that’s never a fun process.

I had seen someone in the past, but haven’t been for a while. I’ve been handling my symptoms for years, but with all the medical issues and menopause crap I’m dealing with, it’s really no wonder I’m feeling like falling apart at times.

Dealing with these issues instead of hiding them is really the point of this post. I’ve told my doctor that my depression is pretty bad, but until the other night I didn’t realize how much my anxiety was bothering me. I had a panic attack like I’ve never had before and it’s still effecting me a few days later.

I’m not embarrassed that it happened, I want you to understand that. I’m not ashamed to say I have this problem. It’s part of me. It’s who I am. Sure, there are times when it really messes with my life. I’d love to turn it off, but it doesn’t work like that.

Even when it’s managed, I will always have it. I get that. I’d just like to not repeat that particular episode anytime soon. Or ever. That would be good.

I need to go get my workout done. I need to get in a good mood today. I need to help my husband finish the projects so we can enjoy the remaining few days of our vacation.

Honestly, all of that just gives me anxiety.

I want to just stay in bed and hide from the world.

What could possibly go wrong with that???

My anxiety already answered me….


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