I know it’s not rational, depression never is, but sometimes I feel like I don’t have the right to be depressed when so many people have it worse than me.
I mean, I have a family and lots of friends who love me. I have a husband who has stood by me and supported me for 28 years. I have jobs that make me feel needed and cared for. I have a roof over my head and food on my table.
What right do I have to be depressed?
Well, it doesn’t work like that. If you suffer from it, you know it doesn’t work like that one little bit.
Depression is an internal struggle with your own brain. It’s not rational. It does not make sense. It makes you feel like you are the most unworthy person in the world.
Just so you know, I’m not suicidal. I want you all to understand that you don’t need to come and make sure I’m still here. I plan to fight this with every fiber of my being! I have felt good before and I want to — and I will — get there again!
I say this very seriously, because there are many people out there feeling like dying is the only answer, but at this time that is NOT where I am. If I was I would be on the phone or walking into a clinic or hospital because I do not want to die.
**** If you are feeling that overwhelming urge to end your life, I beg you to pick up the phone and call someone. If you don’t have a friend or family member nearby, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 right now. I’m completely serious… I don’t want anyone to think the only way out of what you’re feeling is to end it all. Please, I beg you to give them the opportunity to help you!
Ok, so we are clear, I am personally not suicidal, so I don’t want anyone to think that. I’ve been there before, but that is not where I am today.
I’m going to be totally honest in that it took me several days to finish this post. I’ve been on vacation, so I’m sure I could blame it on that, but that’s not the reason. It took me so long because this is HARD crap to talk about.
But I know as well as you that there are MILLIONS of us out there doing the best we can each and every day but we are depressed.
Depression doesn’t always look like what you think it does in the movies. It doesn’t always look like she hasn’t showered in three days or eaten or cleaned in at least as many. Sometimes, sure it does, but not always.
Sometimes it looks like I tried and I put makeup on and I went to work and I put my paycheck in the bank and I even socialized for a while today. That doesn’t mean I’m less depressed, it just means I functioned today. Which some days makes me feel worse because I was able to fake it once again.
Sometimes I feel like I just have no right to be depressed. But I am and I can’t change who I am. I can, however, make improvements in my life and seek out some help when I need it.
I’m a person suffering with depression, but I won’t let it control me. I won’t let it take over my life and take away all of my happiness.
No matter what may trigger your depression, know that it’s OK to feel how you feel. Just don’t let it take over your life! Don’t let that feeling be the one and only! Seek out some help, enlist your friends and family, but TALK about it!
You have every right to feel how you feel. You don’t have the obligation to feel that way forever! Depression is just one facet to my personality. It makes me who I am, but it doesn’t have to control me. Be you, but be your best you. I’m working on that every single day.
Let’s battle this sucker together.